Firebird Page 4

  “If only it were just hormones…” She tossed her old Nikes into the duffel bag. “Juliet’s built such a huge wall around herself. I understand she wants to protect herself from more hurt, but –” She stopped as she saw her friend’s expression. “What?”

  “Pot, meet Kettle. I think you’re both in for a surprise.”

  “Oh, no. The only thing we have in common is Eve! That girl is an entanglement with a capital ‘E’ that I do not need. I am done with relationships. It’s just Ruby and me now. And that’s the way I want it.” She glanced toward the nursery door. “It’s so hard to leave her again. I can’t bear to let her out my sight, Liv.”

  “You’re doing what’s best for Ruby, honey. It’s only for a few days.” She gestured toward the stroller. “You’ll be back here jogging in Central Park with her before you know it.”

  “I feel as if I’ve been on my own for so long… Dammit, Livvie, when did my life spin out of control?”

  “You’ve just lost your sister, honey. You need time to grieve. To cry.”

  “I lost Eve a long time ago, Liv. It’s too late for tears.”

  “Alexandra, talk to me.”

  “You need to feel to have tears, Liv. I can’t feel anything, I’m numb inside.” She turned away. “Ah, where is that damned laptop? I can’t find anything since the break-in!”

  “Thieves check the newspapers for funeral dates, you know that.” Olivia froze. “Unless… A day or two before the break-in, some guy stopped us on the street, asking about you. He said he was a neighbor.”

  Apprehension flickered down Alexandra’s spine. “A neighbor? Ruby was with you?”

  “I’d taken her for a walk. He was very nice, Al, he –”

  “What did he look like?”

  “I don’t know, he wore a cap, sunglasses. I couldn’t really see his face. But he was tall, had a slight accent. I’m sure it was innocent, but - you did the right thing, sending us to my brother’s place, out of harm’s way.” Olivia knelt on the floor, reached under the bed to retrieve the missing computer, and slid it into a leather carrier. “Al – I’m sure you’ve thought about this, but – is it possible it was your ex who broke in here?”

  Alexandra’s eyes narrowed. “I called my lawyer first thing. The restraining order is still in place. And I finally reached someone on the orchestra’s staff. Rick is there, in Australia with the tour. Thank God.”

  “I still can’t believe his lawyer got him off! He should be rotting in prison for what he did to you.”

  “His money bought the best legal team there is, Liv.” She zipped the duffel bag closed with a dismissive motion. “I don’t care anymore, as long as he stays an ocean away from Ruby. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you and Dan bringing her here tonight, Liv. I just needed to see her so badly.”

  “She needed to be with you, too. But it’s your niece who needs you now, Al. Ruby will be fine with us in Queens.”

  “Fine?” Alexandra flung a hand toward the barred windows. “Sometimes this place feels more like a prison than a home. We’ve never even lived in a place long enough to choose curtains or borrow sugar from a neighbor. Ruby needs a real home, dammit, not a sublet in Greenwich Village. A house, with a swing in the yard and windows filled with sunlight, not safety-bars!”

  “You came here because you needed a safe place, Al. Have you forgotten how many weeks you spent in the hospital? My God, your husband beat you, he threw you down the stairs. You were seven months pregnant. You almost died! You almost lost Ruby!”

  Alexandra felt the shadows close in around her.

  A blue light flickering.

  The images reared up in ambush. Pulsing machines in a sterile hospital room. Her broken, bruised body. Agonizing contractions. A man’s voice. Push, Alexandra, push! An alarm, loud and jarring. So cold. A cry, then silence. Bone-deep fear. My baby! Where are you? Darkness.

  Days later, when she finally regained consciousness, she’d torn out the IV and found her newborn two floors down in the Neonatal ICU. So tiny and frail. The tangled nest of wires and tubes, the respirator, the bed no bigger than a briefcase. Sickened, Alexandra closed her eyes tightly, forcing the memories down.

  She felt Olivia’s arm slip protectively around her shoulders. “That brute of a husband hurt you, Al, badly. But he didn’t break your spirit. You fought your way back. And then you fought for Ruby. Hell, you’re still fighting! He made you stronger.”

  Alexandra looked into her friend’s eyes. “You think so? The scars on my body have healed, Livvie, but the scars in the mind take longer. I’m always running. I work all day, Ruby hardly knows me. It’s you she cries for when she has a nightmare.”

  “Hush, don’t be so hard on yourself! I don’t see anyone else around here ready to pay the doctor bills, do you? Ruby’s specialists don’t come cheap. I know how much you love Ruby, honey. But it’s always a struggle to balance work and your child. You don’t have the luxury of being a full time mom right now.”

  “I traded a mansion for this apartment, just to live without fear, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. And I love the gallery, Liv, you know that. But if I could stay home, and just paint and be with Ruby…”

  “You and Ruby will find your way together.”

  “But I want to be running towards something, Livvie, not away.” Alexandra held out her hands helplessly.

  “I’m standing here looking at you pack your bags for Maine. I’d say that’s going towards, for sure. Especially in late October!” Olivia shook her head. “Some people get knocked down and stay there. You picked yourself up, Alexandra, you found a way to go on. It takes a strong woman to do what you’ve done to protect your child.”

  “Strong?” The word took Alexandra by surprise. “That’s just what mothers do. We get up and we go on, no matter how much it hurts. But now it’s about more than just going on, Liv. Ruby needs a mother who’s home for dinner, a dog to play with...”

  “A dog! And who’ll have to walk the monster, do you think?” Olivia turned on her heel, shaking her head. “I’ll see about that coffee. You think about buying Ruby a goldfish.”

  “Make it espresso!”

  “Make it a small goldfish!”

  As Alexandra scooped up her make-up from the dressing table, she glanced in the antique mirror. Behind her, the bedside lamp cast a warm pool of light on the silken comforter, leaving the far end of the room steeped in shadow.

  Alexandra blinked and saw, wavering in the tarnished glass, her bedroom as she’d found it just before her sister’s death. Jewelry box upturned, drawers open, her lingerie scattered across the carpet.

  The image sickened her. How had he gotten in, what had he wanted? The new locks and alarm system were state-of-the-art, but still...

  It was the timing of the break-in that was bothering her. Just before Eve’s death. She stopped, statue-still, her silver hairbrush in her hand.

  Jesus, Eve! Was it because of you?

  She dropped the brush and ran to the door. “Olivia, Dan! Forget the coffee. I’ll get Ruby, we’re leaving right now.”

  Alexandra tossed her glasses and phone into her purse, hefted the heavy duffle bag to her shoulders and, with a last look around the bedroom, turned off the light.

  CHAPTER 5

  “This scepter-ed isle...”

  Shakespeare, Richard II

  THE ISLAND

  SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23

  Almost twelve hours later, relieved to be freed from the choppy swell of Penobscot Bay, Alexandra flicked on her fog lights and drove down the ferry ramp into a veil of wispy mist. It had been many years since she’d visited the small island off the Maine coast, but she turned instinctively north on the Beach Road, cracking the Jeep window and breathing deeply as the tall island pines closed in around her.

  She drove through spruce and birch, scarlet bushes and towering firs, blurred and ghost-like in the watery fog. Ten minutes later she turned the Jeep into a narrow lane and heard the familiar crunch of shells beneath
tires.

  The lane ended in a fork, just as she remembered. To the left, the road uphill to Cliff House disappeared into the dark pines. To the right, the ocean glimmered silver through fog-laced branches. She hesitated, and then a sudden shout carried on the wind drew her toward the sea.

  “Do you love the beach as much as your mother did, Jules?” she murmured. “Be there.”

  Sea grass, undulating like waves, appeared. Alexandra parked the Jeep on the edge of the dunes. Slipping binoculars over her shoulder, she climbed the wooden steps and crossed the familiar foot-bridge over the dunes. Now the sea was invisible in the opal mist, but she could hear the thunder of surf against the sand, the deep warning clang of the buoys, and the familiar, haunting cry of the gulls. The wind off the ocean blew its sharp autumn breath against her face.

  Twenty-four years since the terrible night she’d left the island...

  The scent of the sea engulfed her and for a moment the years fell away and she was a young girl again, innocent, shouting and running on the beach with her sister. But that life had ended. She had moved on long ago.

  And yet - I’ve missed the sea, thought Alexandra, as she inhaled the sharp scents of seaweed, crushed shells and ocean. When the weather grows warm again, I’ll bring Ruby here, to the island, and we’ll search for seashells together every morning.

  She reached for the chain around her neck, pulled the locket from beneath her scarf, and snapped open the small golden disc. Her daughter’s bright eyes glowed back at her. Her finger stroked the tiny face. I miss you, sweetheart.

  The wind sighed through the grass. Alexandra closed the locket and stepped onto the sand.

  The mists swirled and parted like a curtain, suddenly revealing the old lobster boats bobbing in cobalt water and the grey-shingled sea captains’ shanties that lined the road to the harbor. The rocking chairs on the curving porches were covered and still. Like a Vermeer painting, she told herself. And then she saw that the small cottages now shared their dunes with expensive, new summer homes. The island has changed, she thought.

  Everything changes...

  I left this island because of you, Eve. And now you’ve pulled me back to find your daughter. Her eyes scanned the rocky beach for her niece. Who had shouted? Somewhere in the distance she heard the barking of a dog. She hurried across the sand.

  But once more the wind shifted and the fog billowed in. She stopped, disoriented, watching the harbor disappear into a Brigadoon-like mist. For a brief moment the mists parted and, dreamlike, the familiar old wooden picnic table appeared on the sand. She blinked and saw, through a watery prism, a scene from her seventeenth birthday. Her last night on the island, the night her life had changed forever. And she heard, through the fog-silence, a long ago voice...

  * * * *

  “Hurry, Alexandra, it’s almost time!

  It’s the Fourth of July. Giddy with expectation, she is running across the sand like a bride in her long white dress. The night sky is a deep blue, the air scented by the sea, and she is waiting for the man she loves. Tonight, she is sure, he will slip an engagement ring on her finger…

  He’s been away from the island for weeks. Six years older than she, he’s needed the libraries on the mainland to finish his doctoral thesis. But tonight he’s coming in on the late ferry - and he’s promised her a special birthday surprise.

  She stops in the darkness and spins around, hugging herself tightly as if to hold close the tender, wondrous feeling of being loved.

  I want to be your wife, she whispers. Everyone says I’m too young for you but they’re wrong. We’ll prove them wrong together.

  She cups the small rise of her abdomen with gentle hands. And I have such a beautiful gift for you, my love.

  The flames of the bonfire whirl in the air like twisted orange ribbons. Sparks skitter across the beach and cast streaks of light into the sea. As she slips into the crowd of well-wishers, she keeps her eyes on the wooden bridge over the dunes.

  Any minute now. There!

  But it’s her sister Eve who emerges from the darkness.

  Dressed in flowing red, eyes too bright, hair glinting gold in the light of the bonfire, Eve is, as always, the center of attention. Someone hands her a glass of champagne and lifts her up onto the old wooden picnic table.

  Eve takes a long drink, kicks off her impossibly high-heeled sandals and begins to dance, swaying seductively in the firelight.

  Please don’t take this night from me, Eve.

  Beyond her sister’s shadow, she sees a man crossing the dunes.

  She begins to run toward him.

  “I have an announcement, everyone!” Eve’s breathless voice trills across the beach, and Alexandra swings around.

  Eve is raising her champagne glass high above her head.

  ”I’ve gotten married!” She flings out her hand toward the shadows. A diamond glitters in the firelight. “Come, don’t be shy, darling!”

  And Alexandra turns to look into the eyes of the man she loves as fireworks explode like jewels across the sky.

  * * * *

  Anger, as fierce and primal as the waves slamming against the beach, crashed over Alexandra, scattering the memories. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes. The fog was drifting out to sea.

  Then from the distance, a muffled shout. Alexandra spun around. Juliet?

  A huge black Labrador raced from the direction of the harbor across the wet sand, followed by a figure. Hidden by the high sea grass, Alexandra waited, holding her breath as the figure approached, willing Juliet to appear.

  Too tall, she registered.

  Then the hood blew back, and she saw the face of a man. He was angular, fast, with a navy windbreaker whipping about his torso and black hair lifting in the sea breeze.

  He shouted again, but the breeze took the words and flung them out across the water.

  The man watched the dog disappear into the cluster of small beach cottages. Finally he turned to face the sea, and dropped his head. He waited, still and alone on the darkening beach, while the clouds turned purple beyond the horizon.

  The rigid silhouette hunched against the immense sky made a stark, disturbing image – lonely as an Edward Hopper painting. I won’t intrude on your privacy any longer, she told the man silently.

  As if he’d heard her, the man lifted his head. For an instant, their eyes met. Then he whistled to the Lab, and they ran down the beach and disappeared into the dunes.

  The distant thunder of surf sounded like a drumbeat in her ears. With a reluctant sigh, she turned her face north. Now that the fog was blowing off, she could see the beach turn sharply, just as she remembered, and disappear into a swirl of foam. The land rose in a jagged series of cedar-studded cliffs that jutted into the rough Atlantic like great stone steps.

  There, one hundred feet above the ocean, was Cliff House.

  Her childhood home clung precariously to the edge of the high black cliffs, its chimneys and gables only half visible beyond the tangled pines and dark cedars. She gazed at the familiar sharp angles, huge windows and weathered wood, the terrace cantilevered out over the rocks. Cliff House was like a great glass ship sailing forth over the foaming waters.

  It always had been Eve’s house more than hers. Too contemporary, too open to the wild elements for Alexandra, Cliff House had far better suited her sister’s bold, fearless spirit. Eve, who loved those terrible heights, had been the one who walked the terrace railing high above the cliffs like a balance beam, who dared to climb out onto the steeply pitched roof late at night while their parents slept.

  So high...

  She took a cautious breath, squared her shoulders and raised the binoculars to her eyes. The huge slate roof sprang into view. Close, steeply angled and very high. Mist swirled like a veiled woman across the shingles.

  Without warning, a spinning vertigo washed over her. Her legs turned to water as the sky swooped toward her. She closed her eyes tightly, willing herself not to fall. The binoculars dropped from her fin
gers as fragments of memories flew like wild black ravens into her head.

  Black flapping wings that pulled her back into a hot summer night, and a flowing white dress covered with blood. She felt herself spinning into space.

  After a long moment the dizziness stopped. She opened her eyes cautiously, found herself on her knees in the sand. The sand was cold, damp, rocks sharp against her skin. She raised her head, listening. Only the surf, and the soft shush of the pines. The terrible roar of flapping wings was gone, thank God. She took a deep, hurting breath. Don’t think about that night! It had all happened so long ago. The memories would have to wait. It was time to find her niece.

  Alexandra rose to her feet, steadied herself, then checked her watch as she hurried across the sand to the Jeep. After four. Already the sun was dropping behind the tall pines. It grew dark very quickly on the island in autumn, she remembered suddenly.

  At the car she forced her eyes once more toward the cliffs. Just for a moment, she saw twin bright flashes wink from the depths of the cedars. Was it the glint of the setting sun on binoculars?

  Watchful blue eyes slid into her mind. But that was impossible. No, she reassured herself, no one knows I’m here. It had to be Juliet, watching from the shadows.

  Or perhaps it was just a shifting of the light.

  * * * *

  “Liv, it’s me. Yes, I’m here. No sign of Juliet, but I’ve just arrived at the house. How’s my girl? Ice cream? Go for it! Tell her I’m missing her like crazy. Of course, I’ll call you just as soon as I -” The cell phone died.

  “Damn.” Alexandra clicked off her phone. God, she loved that child. The sooner she found Juliet, the sooner she could go home.

  In the gathering darkness she looked up at the house that loomed above her. Just do it. Cedars rustled restlessly against the porch as Alexandra climbed the steps with a building sense of dread.

  The key, as always, was beneath the chipped blue flower pot. The alarm code was Eve’s birthday. No problem at all for Juliet...